By Sarah Crystal (Estimated reading time: 5 minutes)
If you’re reading this, you’re probably somewhere between the chaos of diaper changes, sleepless nights, and wondering if you’ll ever feel like yourself again. Welcome to the wild, wonderful world of parenting! Whether you’re on your first or third baby, nothing truly prepares you for the emotional whirlwind that comes with it—waves of anxiety, moments of dysphoria, and even bursts of shame, guilt, and rage that leave you wondering, “Who am I?”
The good news? It doesn’t have to stay this way. There’s a simple, evidence-based approach that can help you regain your sense of calm and control: the Cognitive Behavioral Model (CBT). Let’s dive into how you can use CBT to break free from negative thinking, manage tough emotions, and start feeling better.
At its core, CBT is about understanding how your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors are connected. What you think directly impacts how you feel, and that drives what you do (or don’t do).
This model helps break down why you might feel anxious, guilty or overwhelmed, and, most importantly, how to interrupt that cycle.
Let’s take a deeper look at how this plays out in everyday life as a parent…
- Situation: The baby is crying.
- Thought: “I can’t handle this; I’m a terrible parent.”
- Feeling: Anxiety, frustration, guilt, self-doubt.
- Behavior: Avoid asking for help, push through exhaustion, spiral into burnout.
Here’s a game-changing concept: situations are neutral. The baby crying, the pile of laundry, the sleepless nights—these situations are totally neutral! They don’t carry emotional weight until you attach a thought to them.
Notice in the example above, the thought, “I can’t handle this; I’m a terrible parent,” creates the feelings of anxiety, frustration, guilt, and self-doubt. It’s not the baby’s crying that’s stressing you out—it’s your thought about the crying.
The good news? You can change your thoughts. You have the power to interpret the situation differently.
Watch this play out…
- SAME Situation: The baby is crying.
- NEW Thought: “I can handle this; babies cry and it doesn’t mean anything about my worth. I can ask for help.”
- NEW Feeling: Relief, empowerment, self-compassion.
- NEW Behavior: Asking for help, let the baby cry knowing they are safe.
Another important aspect of CBT is recognizing that your beliefs aren’t automatically true. Just because you’ve had a thought over and over again doesn’t mean it’s true. Our brains love to repeat thoughts until they feel like facts, but they’re just thoughts, that we can choose to believe or choose to change!
- Belief: “I’m never going to get the hang of parenting.”
- Fact: “Parenting is a learning process. Everyone feels unsure at times. I am capable.”
When you start questioning your long-held beliefs, you’ll realize that many of them are just thoughts that have been on repeat for too long. Changing those thoughts can change everything.
Graphic showing stages of situation, thoughts, feelings, and behavior.
Here’s how to use CBT in your everyday life…
- Identify your thoughts. Let’s say you’re trying to calm a crying baby, and the thought pops into your head, “I’m failing at this.”
- Challenge the thoughts. Is this really true? Is there evidence you’re failing, or are you just having a hard moment?
- Reframe the thought. Instead of “I’m failing,” try: “I’m learning every day, and I’m doing my best.” Remind yourself: “Parenting is tough, and it’s normal to struggle sometimes.”
This small shift in thinking can change how you feel in the moment. It can reduce anxiety and frustration, helping you respond to your child from a place of calm instead of overwhelm.
One of the most powerful tools in CBT is the Thought Download. It’s basically a brain dump to help you see what’s really going on in your mind.
- Grab a pen and paper (or your phone).
- Write down every single thought that comes to mind—don’t hold back. Get all the worries, frustrations, and self-doubts onto the page. Such as, “I’m failing. The baby won’t stop crying. The house is a disaster.”
- Now, go through your thoughts and ask yourself:
- Are these thoughts true?
- Are they helping me, or making things worse?
- Would I say this to a friend in my situation?
Once you’ve examined your thoughts, poke holes in the ones that aren’t serving you.
- Old Thought: “I’m failing as a parent.”
- Reality/New Thoughts: “I’m keeping my child fed, safe, and loved. This is hard, but I’m doing my best.”
You’ll be surprised how quickly doing this shifts your mood.
Now What?
Here are some practical steps to incorporate CBT into your life as a parent:
- Start with a Thought Download:
Next time you’re feeling overwhelmed, take 5 minutes to write down everything on your mind. Look at your thoughts and challenge the unhelpful ones.
- Reframe Unhelpful Thoughts:
When you catch yourself thinking, “I’m failing” or “I can’t do this,” reframe those thoughts with more helpful ones. Try, “I’m learning” or “I can handle this one step at a time.”
- Pick a Small Action:
Once you’ve shifted your thoughts, take a small action. It could be as simple as making a cup of tea, taking a deep breath, or texting a friend for support. Small actions create momentum and help you move out of a negative spiral.
- Reflect Regularly:
At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect. What thoughts helped you feel better? What thoughts made you feel worse? This practice will help you get better at catching unhelpful thoughts early.
Parenting is one of the hardest—and most rewarding—jobs out there. But it’s also a huge adjustment. By using the Cognitive Behavioral Model, you can shift your mindset, manage tough emotions, and start feeling more in control.
Remember: it’s okay to struggle. But you’re not stuck. With a few simple mindset shifts and some practice, you’ll start feeling calmer, more confident, and ready to take on whatever parenting throws your way.
You’ve got this! And if you need more support, don’t hesitate to reach out.
About the Author
Sarah Crystal is a licensed Clinical Psychologist, specializing in helping parents address challenging child behavior through her evidence-based program, The Empowered Parent Toolkit. Whether your child has a behavioral diagnosis or not, Sarah provides practical strategies to support lasting behavior change and help you create a calmer home environment. Parenting is not easy, but through our work, it will feel less challenging and more rewarding! If you want to learn more, or schedule a free consultation, visit drsarahcrystal.com.
